2 times I regret & 14 ways to combat situations that are ”not ok”

RU OK?: Reflections on two rough times I wish I had handled differently plus 14 problems & suggested actions you can take to deal with them asap!
One life. Live it folks!!!

This post recalls two times I was not ok. I could have taken action and changed my life up for the better, sooner. However, I lived like I had loads of free time to waste. Somehow, I had time to ‘push through’ it and ‘keep going’.

It was only when I came out the back of both situations that I truly appreciated how important it is to act quickly when your life falls into disarray. 

I also share 14 common problems and actions you can take (ASAP!) if any of them resonate with you.

Hope you get something positive from this!

That time I failed myself (twice)
I can count two vivid times where I ‘’stuck’’ at something because I ‘’thought’’ I ‘’should’’.

First one was a job that pushed me to my limits – the people, not the job itself. Second was living somewhere that made the core of my soul unsettled, lonely and sad. No need to go into the deets on these now. In short; I was spending 40hrs a week in some kind of work-trap-hell. Then I went and let myself live in a suffocating-home life, that made me feel like I was drowning in quicksand. 

Where you work and live are two of the most important parts of the puzzle you call your life. Changing jobs and moving home are considered up there as ‘’the most stressful’’ things you can ever go through as a human.

Well!! I’ve got a lot of experience in both fields! I can count 9 jobs off the top of my head, in the last 6 years. I lost count of the moves in that time too – I know it was 3 times in one year once.
At other points during those 6 years, I really tried. I took action in a bid to ‘’do the right thing’’ at the given time.

… Changing jobs meant I was chasing that Aussie visa. Moving to a whole new country gave me a taste of working abroad (Brazil, Thailand and New Zealand included in this mix!) …

Moving house happened ‘’again!’’ because I had the chance to move in with friends or needed to move for work. In a couple of cases; my current house-set up just wasn’t working anymore … so upping sticks, for a change of scene, made best sense.

… I’m mentioning these multiple big-life-changes as examples of when I took action. The two times I refer to going through a major down-dip in my life happened when I coasted along. I ‘’rode the bad times’’ out. I kept showing up every day ‘’trying my best’’. I got this. Blah, blah, blah.

On the outside; only my nearest family and friends would have known. To everyone else I was smiley, always busy and making the most of every day in true Lara Lain form.

When the job situ happened I swore; I would ‘’never put myself through that again’’. I promised myself that if I found myself in a toxic work environment; I wouldn’t ‘’stick it out for my visa’’. I would put myself first and look for new opportunities if I needed to.

When the living situ happened I failed to realise I was literally putting myself through a similar ‘’hell’’ again. I didn’t take a step back and think ‘hang on a second, this unhappy feeling feels familiar – surely I need to change this?’ … No, no. I ‘’kept going’’ because that’s what we do, isn’t it?

… Well, no, actually. In most situations in my life; I know when it’s time to tap out. I hit a ceiling where I know ‘’that’s it’’. That face-the-music-Lara-Lain time has come; it’s time to do whatever I need to do to improve my situation. Sometimes said action and change brings looks of disapproval and disbelief from others, with some questioning my motives for moving ahead so fast. But that’s my point; you gotta move. Fast as you can. Or risk bumbling around like I did for a bit; hating job, hating home, unsure about life.

I’ve given those two examples as I think it’s so easy to get trapped / stuck / ‘’used to’’ whatever your circumstance or feeling may be. In both times noted above, I definitely ‘got used’ to my life at that point. It was how it was. I thought I was doing the right thing, being strong. ‘I got this’ mentality. Got what? What is there to get when you’re unhappy?!

What really needed to happen
I needed to take stock of REALITY and the fact that if I kept living that way; I would be destined for an unhappy existence. It took me a while (months!!) in both cases to realise I couldn’t ‘’keep living like this’’. In REALITY I could have (and should have!) changed my circumstances so much sooner.

Time waits for no man, yes Sir. This we know. Action makes all the difference. If you don’t feel ‘’ok’’ with any part of your life right now, you really need to think ‘’Will I regret this in a year?’’, ‘’Am I wasting my time?’’, ‘’Could I do anything right now to help me?!’’

There are only a handful of things I regret in my life, as I see everything as a learning (no matter how hectic the actual time may have been – there must have been something good to come out of it right?) … These two times 110% deffo make my ‘’regrets’’ list! I got so swept up in living the crappy moments as ‘’my life’’ that I didn’t ACT FAST ENOUGH.

If you want to live an ‘’OK’’ life, with an ‘’OK’’ mindset and ‘’OK’’ health you need to do whatever you can to ensure you are ‘’OK” as often as possible. You must make sure you take care of you, above everything else. 

I’ve used this one before but think of what happens if a plane goes down (remember those wonderful things, that used to fly and take us places?!) … You put your own mask on first, you save yourself or you can’t help anyone else.

Problems & Actions 

  1. Body shape issues: The simplest, easiest thing to do is get your trainers on and step out of your front door and walk! 30 mins walking in fresh air will make all the difference. Also, cut your portion sizes down. Losing weight and taking care is not rocket science.
  2. Hate your job: Just because Covid has taken over the world, doesn’t mean you have to bow to the pressures of working a job you hate. There are plenty of jobs out there. I see hundreds of adverts online every day. Yes; it may be harder to get the one you want, due to more competition, but knock on enough doors and one will open. Your job affects every part of your life!
  3. A broken relationship: The longer you spend (your extremely precious!) time clinging on to a broken relationship; the longer you stop yourself from feeling free and being able to meet someone you actually want to be with.
  4. Healing after a break up: Break ups happen for a reason. The ol’ ‘’keep going’’ method is your best friend here. Surround yourself with things, people and activities that keep you busy. Soon enough they won’t be the first thing you think about in the morning. You’ll be right!
  5. Dealing with alcoholics / drug users: Unfortunately; being around these kinds of people is more common than we may care to admit. For your own health and wellbeing; keep a wide berth. If you can help them, do so. Often you’ll find they don’t actually want help. At the end of the day; they need to want to get out of their situation for themself. Don’t be brought down by this kind of energy.
  6. Unhappy at home: Whatever your living circumstances, even though Covid is also being a huge pain in the ass here – you always have options. There are plenty of places out there to buy, rent or house share. Family and friends are there to help too!
  7. Worried about money: Make small changes, everyone can save more if they sit down and actually think about where ‘all their money goes’. Again; not rocket science – just make an effort to be more careful and track your progress each month.
  8. Family woes: Know that no one has a perfect family and many have extremely unsettled ways of living with theirs. Make the the most of those you are close to. Don’t waste (your precious!) time with those you don’t vibe with just because ‘they are family’.
  9. No motivation: I find it really hard to understand people who say they have ‘no interests’. I’m sorry kids but if you have ‘no interests’ it’s because you haven’t tried to look. There’s a whole world out there, there is something for everyone. Get out and live!
  10. Mental health constantly ‘’off a cliff’’: Keep busy, eat well, work out, walk, read. Check out Jay Shetty’s new book ‘Think like a Monk’
    Watch Marisa Peer videos – she is an amazing!!
  11. Negative self talk: Every time you hear yourself taking a familiar ‘trip to negative town’ be sure to catch yourself mid-neggy-vibe. It’s a fact that you can’t think about something negative and something positive at the same time. Switch up your inner voice and it will soon begin to change your whole outlook on life.
  12. Others bring you down: This is simple. Change your circle. If you are hanging around with people who don’t inspire you, support you or lift you up – this is a major red flag. Find new people on your level – they are out there!
  13. Can’t make plans. Ol’ Covid continues to make some things difficult / impossible. Best bet is to make plans for things you can actually do and make the most of them while you can. Some of my best memories this year where when we had the local-lockdown situation going on, we could only drive 5 miles … this meant clean beaches and hardly anyone about. Even if you are stuck at home; there is always something to do. Learning is key – check out Udemy for a host of online courses to upskill your life while things you’d ‘rather be doing’ are on hold.
  14. Feel like life is ‘over’: If you are really struggling with mental health issues and find simple things like getting out of bed, eating well and actioning a bit of self-care now and again a chore – there may be bigger things at play that need addressing. Take action by simply booking an appointment with your local doctor to discuss therapy (it ain’t so bad and yes ALL your fave celebs and super heroes do it on the regular!). If you can’t face therapy in-person; go online for a MyOnlineTherapy consultation.

We need to live like we have no time. One minute it’s 1994 and Take That at Wembley Stadium is life – the next you’re 35, writing a blog about mental health from the comforts of your Nan’s kitchen during Covid!

Action can and will change everything! If you don’t feel ‘’ok’’, that’s pretty normal now and again. What’s not ok is not acting on this upset.

There is always a reason for any unrest in your head, heart and soul. You need to tune in and find a way to pull yourself out of it asap. Don’t be tough and all ‘I’m fine’ when you’re not – take steps, take action to move towards a happier you asap!

Thanks for reading

@LaraLain 

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