Today I spoke with a friend who is going through a tough time due to a break up they didn’t want.
Having been single for seven years, I know a thing or two about getting over heartache.
Just this year alone I had one guy scam $1,300 from me and another one cut me out, leaving me with a parting text from hell on my 33rd birthday.
Two very real, very s**t examples of when men absolutely knocked me for six. Taking the wind of my sails and making me question my entire existence.
That’s just this year, one year in seven …
So yeah, every time I hear a friend struggling I know, like I know the pain.
And more importantly; I know how to pull yourself out of it when it feels like your world is caving in.
… I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve risen from the ashes like a Phoenix since my single life began in September 2011.
Surviving heartache is a process you cannot avoid.
In order to get through it ASAP you have to find ways to rebuild, learn, grow and essentially crack on as best you can. Here’s 9 tips that can help you find your way back to you …
#1 Find a new hobby and make sure its a challenge. You need to do something you ”can’t” do.
Something that is out of your reach but perhaps you secretly wish you could do … water skiing / horse riding / rock climbing / roller skating … pick something, anything that will push you and get it done!
#2 Watch YouTube – YouTube is legit THE place for every bit of motivational speaking and insight. Ted Talks cover everything and give you professional insights into the human mind.
Find the right content and it will give you a chance to think about things in a different way. Search the things that are actually relevant to you ”How to deal with a break up” ”How to heal” etc etc. Click here for Ted Talks on ”Heart break”.
#3 If you have options to do something super exciting; book a BIG trip. A long trip or a far-away trip. Get so far out of your comfort zone you don’t know where you are or where you’re going – but you’re just doing it!
Do it solo! It will change your life, you will learn and grow in ways you never thought possible.
#4 Write down what you REALLY want – Write lists on paper / keep a notebook by your bed / add notes in your phone / send yourself emails … bring your feelings to life and put what you REALLY want out into the universe. Writing will help you gain clarity on what you want out of this current situation.
Part of you might want to write ”Hope that me and X get back together” etc etc … but is this what you REALLY want when that person has already cast you aside? So you can live on the back foot? Doubtful.
You will find answers within your own words.
#5 Read, read, read – The power of the written word will give you hope and direction – you just gotta find the right books! Even if you are not big on reading – you really must open your eyes and find some inspiration.
There are countless best selling books out there to help you in your time of need. One of my absolute fave reads is You are a Badass by Jen Sincero.
Check out this list of self-help best sellers on Amazon, millions of copies have been sold worldwide for a reason!
#6 Group exercise – Getting out there and keeping fit is one thing but when you feel low, solo work outs are not always the best option because as much as the physical side is great, mentally you may find you have way too much time to think (trust me, I run on my own all the time…).
Dodge the bullet with this and sign up to a group activity – a class at your gym, a team sport (football, netball etc).
Anything where you can regularly commit and be surrounded by other people getting it done is a win for you! Good company will lift you!
#7 Talk to one (or two) really good friends until you are sick of your own voice – When things are tough, I have a select few friends that I know I can talk to until the cows come home. That’s what friends are for.
You only need one person to open up to – don’t keep the feelings in. Get them out and talk it all through until you are literally sick of your own voice – trust me, that will happen pretty quickly! Moaning and wallowing gets boring eventually – there is sooo much more to your life than feeling rubbish over someone who essentially isn’t right for you.
#8 Feel the feels – Go through all the motions, the crying, the hurt, the anger, the disbelief, the ”I’m fine” when you’re so far removed from fine you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror … feel it all. Trust the process.
#9 Talk to an older family member – After the last guy had me in tears on my birthday I called my Nan when the dust had settled and told her absolutely everything. She laughed her head off.
It put everything into perspective, because what happened was not the end of the world. It felt like it was for me but in reality it was just a chapter that ended badly. Older people have been there, seen it, done it – take advice from those who know what life is all about!
Remember, however bad things are – you will be ok. You 110% will!
Life has a funny way of always working out. One day you will (highly likely) look back and be strangely glad this happened … because when things ”go wrong” life is actually going right for you.
Cheesy as it sounds, this is true; things fall apart for better things to fall into place.
However long it takes to feel ”normal” again, you have to keep positive and be open to better things – they are coming! Believe! 💫
Thank you for reading! Here’s to being with the right person one day!