OK – so if you are friends with me on Facebook you most likely saw my status last night.
A status in which I went HAM (Hard as a Mo’Fo’) into kicking off over someone (a guy, obvs) who had got back in touch with me unexpectedly. A guy who had swiftly pushed all my wrong buttons.
What’s the deal?
I met him earlier this year, it started full-on-AF and quickly went into a ”mental breakdown” kinda situation.
It was a short but messy time that really left me feeling wounded.
Because I thought he was going to be something more to me than ”just another guy I met out”… I didn’t handle it well when my ‘thoughts’ turned out to be fruitless.
Since it went sour I blocked him out of my life, saw it as dead in the water. I cracked on and focused on me, me, me. I regrouped Lara Lain.
Why did you freak out?
Last week he got in touch with me asking me meet up. I (immediately) said yes. We arranged it, then the next day he cancelled because he had other plans he had ”forgotten” about.
OK, so I’m chill and say ”no worries – let’s do another time???”
Nothing. Don’t hear a word all week. And he doesn’t even read my message …
To pop out of the woodwork after so long; invite me out, cancel, then not even read my message seeing if we were going to re-arrange. Well! That really f**ked me off.
Due to how bad it all ended at the time, I found this week a bit of a shocker – get in touch with good intentions or not at all. It’s that simple.
Last night I asked him if he was really going to ignore my message after reaching out? (what was he playing at basically?!).
To which he apologised and then said he couldn’t see me because he ”would break my heart”.
Cue Lara Lain being absolutely fuming!
For someone to come back into my life assuming as though I couldn’t live without them really got my hackles up.
In-case anyone didn’t notice, I have been the happiest I have been in a long time recently (as I blogged about earlier this week).
It was just so out of order to say. It showed that him getting in touch had been purely to boost his own ego, see if I was still hanging at the end of the line.
So … then what
I told him I was seeing someone (#porkypienottrue) and to never contact me again.
Being the grown up, responsible adult I am I went onwards and upwards and vented on Facebook.
I then went to bed all ‘‘Yep. I’ve shared my feelings. I feel better” (see Kanye pic above again for evidence).
… I woke up this morning more like ”Uh oh. yep I should probably remove that post immediately AF…” (See Kanye pic below for evidence).
Ok, so there’s a few lessons that come out of this little ‘episode’;
- If someone comes back into your life; you need to be seriously 110% sure that you are dead set on letting them back in. I was 70 / 30 in believing this possible reunion was a good thing. That 30% of me was my huge red flag. I should have trusted my inner compass – your instinct is there for a reason, listen to it!
- Venting on social media is generally 110% NEVER a good idea. DO NOT DO IT. EVA.
- The only way you’re going to get over what you’ve done there on ya social pages is to laugh at one’s self. LOL. I’m so funnnyyy. HA HA HA. Go me.
- If you do vent on social you need to be fully prepared; EVERYONE you know may see it. And that means questions and explanations. In my case it also means MORE LOLZ (and this blog post).
- If someone left your life first time around, it is more than likely not going to work. As much as you THINK it might. Or HOPE it might there is a reason it went tits up when you first had a go. Bare that in mind before you let your emotions take over. Emotions can be tricky buggers – don’t let them fool you.
- If you moved on, do you really REALLY want to go back a 10 steps? If he and I ended up pursing something I know I would always think he was going to walk out and flake on me. That is never a good foundation for a relationship.
A few of my friends reached out when they saw my post, saying they are going through similar things – to be honest, it’s all just part of our journey. I know I say that a lot but it really is!
Without wading through the shit (people) and tough (times), you wouldn’t be where you are … I’m not saying all people are shit but let’s be honest – if things are bad they are highly likely shit (for you).
This post is not in any way intended to be a dig at said guy (which to be honest wouldn’t matter if it was because he will never read this), but I just wanted to discuss the last 24 hours and the events from last week openly because this kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME.
I repeat; this blog is NOT a dig at him. It’s me doing my professional clear up of my ~Kanye online tirade moment~
Guys have circled back to me so many times over the years but generally we have ended up on ok terms (in that we have done the ”Hey how are you? I’m sorry for what happened between us blah blah, LOL – it’s kinda funny when we look back…” and we’re linked on Facebook to this day and that’s it, no biggie.
A crucial thing to remember here is – how people treat YOU is a reflection of YOURSELF.
If I had stronger focus on me and what I really know is right for me – I would not be sitting here writing this blog.
9 times out of 10 I do do what’s best for me straight off the bat, because I just KNOW.
… Now and again I fall off the wagon, this is just another one of ~those times~.
To my single friends out there – if this happens / is happening to you, beware of yourself and think about what you really want before entertaining the thought of the past making a re-entry into your now.
My guess is; you’re pretty damn good as you are and you’ve highly likely made so much positive progress when you think about it – keep going forward and don’t look back!
Also. How about the photos of mois.
Let’s see them again;
Thank you for reading – have a great week ahead!
*Thanks to Kanye for making this blog possible.