When the fun stops in your relationship | May 2016


*Written in May 2016, while living in Sydney

It always starts as ‘a bit of fun’. Why would you be attracted to another person if you couldn’t see a positive? Physical. Emotional. Something is always easy for you both from the off.

After a few encounters feelings appear between you. Is it familiarity? Are you replacing someone else you’ve been missing? It’s not love, far from that, but a degree of something takes a hold of you both.

This one becomes ‘the one for right now’ while things simultaneously begin to fall down around you piece by piece. One-sided feelings start building lego blocks in your thoughts, the original ‘fun’ isn’t here now. Already. Where did that go?. Now is the time to admit to yourself it isn’t right – to leave before things get messy. But you won’t and you don’t.

That problem. Wanting what we can’t have. You want the ‘fun’ back and the more you chase it the more unnatural the situation becomes. Your friends around you are single and free or relaxed in relationships. No one appears to be on your page. You pretend you’re fine but you’re not, those closest to you hate to see this.

One of my friends fought this downfall for two years. Her life was enveloped in trying to regain what she had had at the start. Both knew it was going nowhere but neither stopped it. Finally one day the truth hit home. Thankfully, they exhausted each other and cut ties.  It took a lot of pain to reach that final breaking point. Her situation sounds absurd to those who’ve never been through it. But life being wasted in storms like this happens more than many care to admit.

We often start something innocently then find ourselves locked into what can only be described as a spiral of negativity. Constantly trying to go back in time, to capture feelings from the beginning is a pointless effort. It only serves to chip away at you being you.

As the doubts creep in, so should the plans for a hasty escape. It’s always so easy to say that looking back.

As we fight inwardly about what we know is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ we end up feeling guilty to ourselves for letting another cast a shadow on our lives. I’ve seen this (in myself and) among fellow travellers many times – having a down day / week / month is heightened even further as we feel we should be living every day to the max.

In life we look for changes and excitement to keep our interest. But this kind, that we have no control over, breaks us down. We go into these ‘relationships’ bright eyed and fresh, appreciating we’ve met someone that will give us a bit extra. We can come out perplexed by a harsh ending. Chasing the fun is often a double-edged sword.

It’s easy for me to sit here and write about relationships. All the advice I have given to my friends over the years that I’ve never listen to myself. But that is half our problem. We don’t listen to ourselves.

We ignore our inner voice telling us to give up the ghost and leave it. We fight what we know is right and instead do what we want because we ‘don’t care’.

Everyone harps on about everything in life as being a ‘lesson’ and advises us to ‘put it down to experience’. Yes, you can do that but if you’ve been chasing the wrong thing for too long you’ll be kicking yourself in the end. That, my friend, is a guarantee.

We spend so much time worrying about other people we often forget to look after ourselves. It is not healthy. Theres only one of you – look after you.

Of all the things that are most precious in this life, time is one we can’t replace. Broken hearts mend, people move on, time doesn’t swing backwards. If you have seen a reflection of a current situation in any of this, do yourself a favour and get out while you can. The ‘I wasted so much time’ club isn’t one worth looking back on.


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Travel, Inspiration, Relatable


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